Legend:
Underlined Red is text from
manuscript.
(Published text.) *
(Compiler’s notes)
*Text used is from 2nd Edition which is in
the public domain.
STEP 1
Doctor’s Opinion
Men and women drink essentially because they like the
effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit
it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the
false. (The sensation is so elusive that, while
they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true
from the false.) To them, their
alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and
discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort
which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks which they see others
taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many
do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known
stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink
again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
Pg 8:1
No words can
tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity.
Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been
overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
Pg 17:3-18:3
The tremendous fact for every one of
us that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can
absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious
action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer
alcoholism.
An illness of this
sort - and we have come to believe it an illness - involves those about us in a
way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him
and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it
there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all
whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce
resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives
of blameless children, sad wives and parents - anyone can increase the list.
(We hope) T(t)his
volume will inform, instruct and
comfort those who are, or who may be affected. They
(There) are
many.
Highly competent
psychiatrists who have dealt with us often
fruitlessly, we are afraid find
(found) it
almost (sometimes) impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss
his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate
friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and
the doctor.
Pg 19:4
Of necessity there will have to be
discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware
that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. Nothing would
please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for
contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of
us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and
a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others.
Our very lives, as ex-alcoholics (ex-problem drinkers), depend upon our
constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.
You may already
have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking.
Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert
opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind
and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be
asking - "What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose
of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we
have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize
some points as we see them.
How many times
people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't
he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That
fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and
wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be
weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet
girl, I should think he'd stop for her (sake)."
"The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but
there he is all lit up again."
Now, these are
commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them
is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions
refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.
Moderate drinkers
have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for
it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a
certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit bad enough to gradually
impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before
his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change
of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can
also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and
may even need medical attention.
But what about the
real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become
a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins
to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is the Fellow
who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd,
incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His
disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be
one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he
frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a
positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly
when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often
perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but
in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special
abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He
uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then
pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the
fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet
early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night
before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to
be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the
wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of
high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then
comes the days when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again.
Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him a dose
of morphine or some high-voltage sedative
with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no
means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns
vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave
like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means
another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he
takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of
the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect
to other matters?
Perhaps there
never will be a full answer to these questions. Psychiatrists
and medical men (Opinions) vary
considerably in their opinion as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from
normal people. No one is (We are not) sure why, once a certain point is reached,
nothing can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle. (Note: “riddle” answered on pg. 116:2)
We know that while
the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts
much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol
whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental
sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of
any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that (this).
These observations
would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink
thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the real problem of
the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why
he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a
hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none
of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking
bout creates. They sound to you like the philosophy of the man who, having a
headache, beat himself on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't (can’t) feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious
reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become
irritated and refuse to talk.
Once in a while he
may tell you the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has
no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have
excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts
they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they
are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, some day (someday), they will beat the game. But they
often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is,
few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these
drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully waits the day when the sufferer
will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth
is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom (may not) arrive.
He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he
passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of
absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically
every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is
that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in
drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. We are unable
at certain times, no matter how well we understand
ourselves, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the
memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are
without defense against the first drink. (Note:
paragraph is italicized, not underlined in current edition.)
The almost certain
consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind
to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted
with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like
other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one
from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may
say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so
here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us
begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded
on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get
started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll
stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
When this sort of
thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he
has probably placed himself beyond all human aid, and unless locked up, is
certain to die, or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been
confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of
God, there would have been one hundred (thousands) more convincing demonstrations. So many want to
stop, but cannot.
There is a
solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the levelling of our
pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its
successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had
come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living
it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been
solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of
spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been
rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence,
of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is
just this, and nothing less: t(T)hat we have had deep and effective spiritual
experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward
our fellows, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is
the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives
in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those
things for us which we could never do by ourselves.
If you are (as) seriously
alcoholic (as we were), we believe
you have no middle-of-the-road solution. You are (We were) in a position where life is (was)
becoming impossible, and if you have (we had) passed
into the region from which there is no return through human aid, you have (we had) but
two alternatives: (O)ne is to go on to the
bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of your
(our) intolerable
situation as best you can (we could); and
the other, to find what we have found
(accept spiritual help). This you can do if you (we did because we)
honestly want
(wanted) to, and are (were) willing to make the effort.
Pg. 151:1-152:2
For most normal folks, drinking
means conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination. It means release
from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends, and a
feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy
drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we
recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to
enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle
of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and
one more failure.
The less people
tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became
subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling
vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker.
Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship
and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful
awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment,
Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who see this page will understand!
Now and then a
serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all.
Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-alcoholics (problem
drinkers), we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a
boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he
would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will
presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He
cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life
either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do.
He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
We have shown you
how we got out from under. You say:(,) "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be
consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some
righteous (Note: flawed usage: righteous: acting
in accord with divine or moral law free from guilt. Were as: self-righteous: Smugly or unduly
sure of one's own righteousness, flaunting of falsely perceived moral
superiority) people I see? I know I must get along
without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a
substitute, and it is vastly more than that. It is a F(f)ellowship in
Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and
worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The
most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find The F(f)ellowship,
and so will you.
(Step guide directs
reader to the Spiritual Experience appendix.)
SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE
The terms “spiritual experience” and
“spiritual awakening” * are used many times
in this book which, upon careful
reading, shows that the personality
change sufficient to bring
about recovery from alcoholism has manifested
itself among us in many different
forms.
Yet it is true that our first
printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or
religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for
everyone, this conclusion is erroneous.
In the first few chapters a number
of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention
to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that
in order to recover they
must acquire an immediate and overwhelming “God-consciousness” followed at once
by a vast change in feeling
and outlook.
Among our rapidly growing membership
of thousands of
alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our
experiences are what the
psychologist William James calls the “educational variety” because they develop
slowly over a period of time. Quite
often friends of the newcomer are
aware of the difference long
before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound
alteration in his
reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone.
What often takes place
in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of
self-discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an
unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater
than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a
Power greater than ourselves
is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more
religious members call it “God-consciousness.”
Most emphatically we wish to say
that any alcoholic capable
of honestly facing his problems in the light of
our experience can recover, provided
he does not close his
mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of
intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have
difficulty with the spirituality
of the program. Willingness, honesty and open
mindedness are the essentials of
recovery. But these are indispensable.
“There is a principle which is a bar
against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot
fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to
investigation.”
—Herbert Spencer (1820—1903)
Note: There is no
evidence Spencer ever said/wrote this. Bill borrowed it from a story in the 1st
Edition entitled “An Artist’s Concept” (Ray C. SD 2/1938) and did not verify its accuracy. William H.
Poole (1820-1896) in his book The British Nation: The Lost Tribes of Israel
contains the quote verbatim except for the last word, substituting examination
for investigation. Poole in turn was commenting on William Paley’s
(1743-1805) 1794 work A View of the evidence of Christianity where he
stated: “The infidelity of the Gentile world, and that more especially of men
of rank and learning in it, is resolved into a principle which, in my judgment,
will account for the inefficacy of any argument, or any evidence whatever, viz.
contempt prior to examination.” Spencer is credited however with coining the
phrase “Survival of the fittest.”
*“You have to grow
from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is
no other teacher but your own soul.”
Vivekananda (1863–1902)
