"The truth of
the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is
doing it." General Norman Schwarzkopf.
From 25 to 30 years of age I was pretty much lost in self
and a haze of intoxication. By 25 I had had a good job, owned a home, drove a
nice car, was married and a father. Though my daughter was stuck with me, the
rest was gone or going. Now, I am supposedly a pretty smart fellow, if you
believe IQ tests, (today I suspect scoring well on an IQ test merely
demonstrates an ability to take IQ tests well) but looking at my life, I sure
wasn't acting like a “genius.” There were uncounted times when I knew what I
was doing or about to do was a bad idea, but that didn’t stop me. Oh, and I was
a time traveler when under the influence. I would start out in one place,
blackout and then come too, sometimes the next day, in a different place,
sometimes wearing different clothes, invariably broke, often in the company of
new "best friends" whom I didn't recognize. A few times this happened
while driving, a truly disconcerting experience.
These time traveling episodes terrified
me. I was certain I was going to wake up in jail cell somewhere with no recollection
of how I got there or what I had done, or cuffed to a hospital bed, or just
dead. But as much as I hated these episodes, I did it regularly. A smart man
remarked years ago this type of behavior demonstrates a base form of insanity,
and it sure felt like it.
I haven't lived like that for a very
long time. Curiously, to this day, that self-destructive voice that drove me
all those years ago, cloaked in all manner of guises (fear), still whispers in
my mind’s eye in an attempt to drag me back into that old life and ways of
thinking. Such is the profound and deep-rooted nature of addiction thinking. The
good news is today I have a Recovery tool kit to rely on so when it starts in,
I stop and employ the tools that experience, both mine and others, have shown
to be effective, a day at a time.
© Vincent Lee Jones Living In Spirit
All Rights Reserved
Miracles Of Recovery, Overdose
Death, Alcoholism, Wayne Dyer, Drug Addiction, Zen, Emmet Fox, Opioids, Heroin,
Einstein, AA, Healing Path Recovery, Drug Rehab, #Drug Addiction, #Drug Rehab,
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