In my early life I wore the coat of the agnostic. Having heard so many say that God was love but if you broke a certain rule you would burn for all eternity but remember God loves you, that the Devil battles with God and actually wins from time to time, never made any sense to me. I had always believed that there was “something”, some power or intelligence, but the idea of a punishing, score keeping, testing God that could lose battles just did not pass muster. As my life progressed, the one thing I did right was keep an open mind and continue to seek and learn. I studied and investigated everything from Catholicism to Islam, Dianetics to the Rosicrucian’s, learning much but never convinced. Finally I found myself in a position when I had to face the proposition of God not from an intellectual hilltop but from the depths of depression and pain. Nothing sharpens the mind, cutting away the superfluous like pain, for in the dark night of the soul esoteric knowledge and philosophical debating points lose all significance. Lost in pain and doubt I reached out and my plea was answered, lacking all ambiguity, I was convinced.
Though we are all connected in Spirit, each of us walks our own path. Our path of awakening dependent on the decisions based in self each of us make, for pain is the only instrument sharp enough to cut away the excess of self. Today I know in my heart of hearts that God desires all His children to be happy, joyous and free, that He will guide us through the process of enlightenment and we are forgiven in spirit as soon as we earnestly ask.
If you are struggling with the concept of a punishing score keeping God, please borrow mine. When I make a mistake, a daily occurrence, He directs me and shows me the correct action to take if I but ask. The only price is that I pray regularly, meditate daily, treat all in the manner I wish to be treated in, leaving the results to Him who has all knowledge and power. Please no pushing; there is plenty of Him to go around.
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